I've been thinking.
I am 21 years old. Two years away from the perfect age. I live in a houseshare with four other people. Idiots, but artists. I go to a prestige University in south England, transferring to an even more prestige University in south London in September. I had the chance to move to California for 4 years, if money didn't matter. I am single and relatively enjoying it. I have enough male friends to randomly start affairs, but won't do it because I like them too much. I also have people on another continent caring about me, sending me birthday presents, although we won't be seeing each other for another year. I have the best friend back home you can ever imagine. I have friends in other countries who come to visit me only to drink gin with me at the beach. I have two people here who come to my place only to eat ice cream with me so I'm not alone. I have the chance of having amazing housemates for the next three years, if things actually work out the way they should. I could be super famous by the age of 30, making thousands every time I sell one picture. I have every chance in the world.
Yet, I am still unsatisfied.
Sunday, 26 April 2009
Sunday, 19 April 2009
I'm not scared
It's been a while again, life here is busy.
News in sentences.
I got into Calarts. They offered me a $8000 scholarship, which is awesome, but not enough to actually go there. Now I'm hoping for my masters in California. A girl can dream, right?
I accepted Camberwell, finding a flat/house is harder then expected. Moving in with Jedrezj, that incredibly talented photographer from my course, hopefully Lisa and maybe another girl who's doing Illustration. Could be good, could also be too much. I'm excited for Camberwell, although it will never be CalArts.
But they apparently have an exchange program with New York City, I'm dreaming.
Summerplans are ruined thanks to stupid tenancy regulations in London. We'll have to find a flat in August instead of May, meaning I won't be able to go on my 3 months cross country road trip. I kind of knew that it would go wrong, yet again, I was dreaming. Now I'm left with three, sort of four other possiblities. Either Thailand or India for 5 weeks in July/beginning of August, eastern Europe by train for 5 weeks or a reduced 5 week road trip through the US. Last possibility is kind of out because I told myself either do it properly or not at all. So I'm left with Thailand, India and eastern Europe and totally clueless. Thailand seemed very attractive yesterday, today it's eastern Europe.
Professional wise, things are going good, I think. I had to give my work into the hands of a professional printer because my standards are too high and because I want/got offered a bigger exhibition space than the other people in my group show. So now it's waiting.
Picture post is coming up eventually, right now I just want to get things over with, then I'll start uploading low res files to flickr. Oh, and maybe even my own homepage, depending on when Murat and me are getting around on doing it.
News in sentences.
I got into Calarts. They offered me a $8000 scholarship, which is awesome, but not enough to actually go there. Now I'm hoping for my masters in California. A girl can dream, right?
I accepted Camberwell, finding a flat/house is harder then expected. Moving in with Jedrezj, that incredibly talented photographer from my course, hopefully Lisa and maybe another girl who's doing Illustration. Could be good, could also be too much. I'm excited for Camberwell, although it will never be CalArts.
But they apparently have an exchange program with New York City, I'm dreaming.
Summerplans are ruined thanks to stupid tenancy regulations in London. We'll have to find a flat in August instead of May, meaning I won't be able to go on my 3 months cross country road trip. I kind of knew that it would go wrong, yet again, I was dreaming. Now I'm left with three, sort of four other possiblities. Either Thailand or India for 5 weeks in July/beginning of August, eastern Europe by train for 5 weeks or a reduced 5 week road trip through the US. Last possibility is kind of out because I told myself either do it properly or not at all. So I'm left with Thailand, India and eastern Europe and totally clueless. Thailand seemed very attractive yesterday, today it's eastern Europe.
Professional wise, things are going good, I think. I had to give my work into the hands of a professional printer because my standards are too high and because I want/got offered a bigger exhibition space than the other people in my group show. So now it's waiting.
Picture post is coming up eventually, right now I just want to get things over with, then I'll start uploading low res files to flickr. Oh, and maybe even my own homepage, depending on when Murat and me are getting around on doing it.
Sunday, 22 March 2009
10 Dollar
Mind shopping list for myself. Just to note how much electrical bullshit I still need to by. Prices are Amazon prices.
Sekonic lightmeter 258.06
Polarising filter 22.79 (instead of 104, I should maybe use that as an advantage and order soon)
Metz flash gun 321.45
Manfrotto tripod 133.95
and eventually, once I will set up my own lab
Enlarger 546,21 plus all the chemicals/paper and wet stuff that comes with it.
I have no idea how to pay for that.
and I'll do my laundry now to get my mind off things.
Sekonic lightmeter 258.06
Polarising filter 22.79 (instead of 104, I should maybe use that as an advantage and order soon)
Metz flash gun 321.45
Manfrotto tripod 133.95
and eventually, once I will set up my own lab
Enlarger 546,21 plus all the chemicals/paper and wet stuff that comes with it.
I have no idea how to pay for that.
and I'll do my laundry now to get my mind off things.
Thursday, 19 March 2009
The Passenger
yes it's been some time. And today is one of those days. I woke up way too early, don't really have to go into Uni, but I will anyways because there is nothing else to do.
Sunshine outside, but I owe everybody here some updates.
LCC interview was horrible, the two men were really mean, some of what they said: "your work is just a simple excuse to meet people" or "You cannot go on working like this because attendance is a vital part of this course. You have to give 100% when you are studying with us and cannot go on trips around the world all the time. Your attendance has to be there." Bastards. I got in anyways.
By now I don't want to go there any more, Camberwell interview is coming up next week, Westminster the week after. I withdrew my application from London Met, will probably do the same with University of East London, if they ever get back to me.
Right now I feel like life has taken me on a journey of which I don't know the final destination. Camberwell by now is the place where I want to be, but I thought the same about LCC before I had this terrible interview and noticed how less the people there actually care whether I'm one of their students. Matt, one of my tutors, said a good photographer will make the most out of any photography course, no matter how good or bad the ratings are. Sometimes I believe in it, sometimes I don't. Bournemouth did give me a massive load of confidence when it comes to talking about my work and generally making it clear that photography is a profession like any other, yet again, I still have massive doubts. Doubts about not being able to pay back the loans I will have to take starting this September, doubts that London might be the place to be, the unis but just simply too rough, doubts about everything, that staying at home and saving money might be a better idea. But saving money for what? I don't know either to be honest.
I guess I just have to ignore the voices in my head, just like I did before I moved to Bournemouth. I mean in the end, everything turned out right.
Sunshine outside, but I owe everybody here some updates.
LCC interview was horrible, the two men were really mean, some of what they said: "your work is just a simple excuse to meet people" or "You cannot go on working like this because attendance is a vital part of this course. You have to give 100% when you are studying with us and cannot go on trips around the world all the time. Your attendance has to be there." Bastards. I got in anyways.
By now I don't want to go there any more, Camberwell interview is coming up next week, Westminster the week after. I withdrew my application from London Met, will probably do the same with University of East London, if they ever get back to me.
Right now I feel like life has taken me on a journey of which I don't know the final destination. Camberwell by now is the place where I want to be, but I thought the same about LCC before I had this terrible interview and noticed how less the people there actually care whether I'm one of their students. Matt, one of my tutors, said a good photographer will make the most out of any photography course, no matter how good or bad the ratings are. Sometimes I believe in it, sometimes I don't. Bournemouth did give me a massive load of confidence when it comes to talking about my work and generally making it clear that photography is a profession like any other, yet again, I still have massive doubts. Doubts about not being able to pay back the loans I will have to take starting this September, doubts that London might be the place to be, the unis but just simply too rough, doubts about everything, that staying at home and saving money might be a better idea. But saving money for what? I don't know either to be honest.
I guess I just have to ignore the voices in my head, just like I did before I moved to Bournemouth. I mean in the end, everything turned out right.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Transatlanticism
National Express is advising their costumers to be at the airport three hours before the departure of the flight. Yes, three hours. Who the hell is at the airport three hours before the flight? When I'm in London I start making my way to the tube three hours before departure. Back home, I don't even start driving. 2 hours before the departure is the guided time they give you if your destination is outside of Europe. 1.5 hours within Europe. But no, National Express wants you to be three hours early. I get their point when saying there could be any delays and I have to admit that I am nervous about this Friday, having only 1 hour and ten minutes from bus arrival to flight departure. But I believe it's possible. I even believe that my flight will be delayed due to weather conditions back in Frankfurt. But most of all I believe this is going to work out. Yet again, I've always been afraid of missing my flight and it would just make sense that this one could be the moment my fear becomes reality. I don't even know why I don't care that much this time. I guess deep down I just believe that it's going to work out, even tho I'm departing from Terminal 5 where security takes twice as long as in Terminals 1-4, and three times as long as back home. But yes, I do still believe. Wish me luck!
Saturday, 14 February 2009
Wasteland
I tried holding back this post for several weeks now, but the point came at which I cannot restrain myself any more.
You've heard it all before. Children starve in Africa, homeless people begging for money only to buy themselves some bread, the usual arguments when the plate hasn't been completely emptied. The people throwing around these statements should meet one of my housemates. Nahiyan. He usually orders food online because he's too lazy to go around the corner to our rather big selection of supermarkets: Sainsbury's (walking distance: 10 minutes), Somerfield (walking distance: 5 minutes), Tesco express (walking distance: 5 minutes) and finally for the cheapos out there Lidl (walking distance: 15 minutes). So it can't be the lack of selection, it must be sheer laziness. On Thursday he got a delievery at 9.30am. He just left the stuff standing in the kitchen and went back to bed. I noticed the milk standing around which is supposed to be refrigerated, the sweets filled with whipped cream and custard, all meant for the fridge. In addition to that, only on Monday he also got another food delivery, of which most of it went off as well. Because he not only doesn't put stuff in the fridge, but apparently he also doesn't know about an invention named freezer. The fries just lay around in the fridge until he eventually got them out, left them on the counter and I threw them away earlier today, without even daring to look inside.
He leaves everything on the counter. By now I also started looking in his cupboard, in which right now there are four naan breads which went off two days ago, but they still look good, croissants bbf 11th feb, still good, tried them, only a bit dried out.
To make it more clear, here a list of things I got off him for free because he wanted to throw it away:
two full bags of oranges
half a jar of delicious humous
uncountable amount of bread
croissants
milk
half a pack of honey nut
vegetables, loads of vegetables
He doesn't know of any of these things. Because, and here's the other thing I actually wanted to hold back, but just cannot restrain myself any more, he doesn't put stuff in the bin. He just leaves the stuff on the counter until it really goes of. Meaning, until the still half full juice container slowly blows up, until the only 1/4 emptied chocolate milk slowly first turns into yogurt and then starts dividing itself into water and dried up chocolate milk and eventually blows up as well, the grapes go from good looking attractive edible to slowly getting grey to completely covered in mold. I asked him why he just leaves the stuff on the counter instead of simply throwing it in the bin. His answer: I just can't be bothered. Strange tho: the bin is closer than the counter in the kitchen. It's standing right next to the door, the counter only starts halfway into the kitchen.
As I am writing this I am having Jalapeno humous on bread. My bread, his humous. Also I converted one bag of oranges into a tasty homemade orange-juice/smoothy. He went to London for the weekend, Ollie and I desperately hope he won't be back tonight then we can have a massive feast with all his food which will go off today: salmon, chocolate milk, more humous, lettuce, cucumber, strawberries, minced meat, croissants, naan bread. This would be an amazing dinner.
If not, the naan bread already went of two days ago, I'm thinking about just putting it in the freezer, I'm pretty sure he won't even notice. And if he did he would never ask me neither blame it on me. There's no proof. I don't consider it stealing. Because instead of throwing it away it just helps me save money. Also, he owes me all those sleepness nights because of the xbox and way too loud sound.
You've heard it all before. Children starve in Africa, homeless people begging for money only to buy themselves some bread, the usual arguments when the plate hasn't been completely emptied. The people throwing around these statements should meet one of my housemates. Nahiyan. He usually orders food online because he's too lazy to go around the corner to our rather big selection of supermarkets: Sainsbury's (walking distance: 10 minutes), Somerfield (walking distance: 5 minutes), Tesco express (walking distance: 5 minutes) and finally for the cheapos out there Lidl (walking distance: 15 minutes). So it can't be the lack of selection, it must be sheer laziness. On Thursday he got a delievery at 9.30am. He just left the stuff standing in the kitchen and went back to bed. I noticed the milk standing around which is supposed to be refrigerated, the sweets filled with whipped cream and custard, all meant for the fridge. In addition to that, only on Monday he also got another food delivery, of which most of it went off as well. Because he not only doesn't put stuff in the fridge, but apparently he also doesn't know about an invention named freezer. The fries just lay around in the fridge until he eventually got them out, left them on the counter and I threw them away earlier today, without even daring to look inside.
He leaves everything on the counter. By now I also started looking in his cupboard, in which right now there are four naan breads which went off two days ago, but they still look good, croissants bbf 11th feb, still good, tried them, only a bit dried out.
To make it more clear, here a list of things I got off him for free because he wanted to throw it away:
two full bags of oranges
half a jar of delicious humous
uncountable amount of bread
croissants
milk
half a pack of honey nut
vegetables, loads of vegetables
He doesn't know of any of these things. Because, and here's the other thing I actually wanted to hold back, but just cannot restrain myself any more, he doesn't put stuff in the bin. He just leaves the stuff on the counter until it really goes of. Meaning, until the still half full juice container slowly blows up, until the only 1/4 emptied chocolate milk slowly first turns into yogurt and then starts dividing itself into water and dried up chocolate milk and eventually blows up as well, the grapes go from good looking attractive edible to slowly getting grey to completely covered in mold. I asked him why he just leaves the stuff on the counter instead of simply throwing it in the bin. His answer: I just can't be bothered. Strange tho: the bin is closer than the counter in the kitchen. It's standing right next to the door, the counter only starts halfway into the kitchen.
As I am writing this I am having Jalapeno humous on bread. My bread, his humous. Also I converted one bag of oranges into a tasty homemade orange-juice/smoothy. He went to London for the weekend, Ollie and I desperately hope he won't be back tonight then we can have a massive feast with all his food which will go off today: salmon, chocolate milk, more humous, lettuce, cucumber, strawberries, minced meat, croissants, naan bread. This would be an amazing dinner.
If not, the naan bread already went of two days ago, I'm thinking about just putting it in the freezer, I'm pretty sure he won't even notice. And if he did he would never ask me neither blame it on me. There's no proof. I don't consider it stealing. Because instead of throwing it away it just helps me save money. Also, he owes me all those sleepness nights because of the xbox and way too loud sound.
Friday, 13 February 2009
Betterman
I'm going to choose the lazy way and simply do this:
Flickr
It has all of the stuff I published this term, meaning all the stuff I took to my assessment (which I passed with a beautiful 100%, about 2 hours ago)
I finally managed to get a neutral flickr account, leaving me with two more to upload all kinds of nonsense to it. But this one will be art stuff exclusively, and if I can convince myself I'll even upgrade to pro and begin sorting out all my series.
As for interviews, three are coming up: London met (bleh), Westminster (about which I am getting more and more excited, the course seems to be really good) and LCC (classic).
Final Major started, I have two standing ideas, one of which I prefer but everybody else seems to like #2 better. Pitch on Wednesday, then I'll know more.
Flickr
It has all of the stuff I published this term, meaning all the stuff I took to my assessment (which I passed with a beautiful 100%, about 2 hours ago)
I finally managed to get a neutral flickr account, leaving me with two more to upload all kinds of nonsense to it. But this one will be art stuff exclusively, and if I can convince myself I'll even upgrade to pro and begin sorting out all my series.
As for interviews, three are coming up: London met (bleh), Westminster (about which I am getting more and more excited, the course seems to be really good) and LCC (classic).
Final Major started, I have two standing ideas, one of which I prefer but everybody else seems to like #2 better. Pitch on Wednesday, then I'll know more.
Saturday, 7 February 2009
My Eyes
Okay, still no pictures, but I'm tired, I'll use that as an excuse.
But nonetheless, I should write something useful. or at least, I feel like I should.
I found this beautiful lense, 17-75mm, 2.8-4.5 (no, this doesn't have to mean anything to photography unrelated people, all you have to know is that this is awesome) for 248 Euros. And I might just buy it from my birthday money. Or rather buy it now and then justify it with my birthday money. Because the Canon Kit lens is slowly starting to piss me off. Just about time after 1.5 years I'd say. Plus it's a good lense for my summer, because the kit lens only goes up to 55mm. And the reviews are really nice. Yes, I might just buy it. But then, I also need a polarising filter, which adds up another 45 euros. It's an expensive job.
Then, the tutorial I had on Wednesday. According to Tim I have good 'photographic eyes' and the photos I took last week are 'beautiful' and 'stunning'. Just what I need, really. Especially because Matt wasn't too convinced of my work, but there you have it again. Matt = commercial. Tim = Fine Art. I so don't belong to any commercial course, I really have to go to Camberwell. Plus, flats there are cheaper anyways. And it's close to the beautiful Walworth Road with all its small shops.
Plan for today: read some more of my book (The Fuck Up, I'm liking it) and scout for some nice flats in Camberwell.
Good Night!
But nonetheless, I should write something useful. or at least, I feel like I should.
I found this beautiful lense, 17-75mm, 2.8-4.5 (no, this doesn't have to mean anything to photography unrelated people, all you have to know is that this is awesome) for 248 Euros. And I might just buy it from my birthday money. Or rather buy it now and then justify it with my birthday money. Because the Canon Kit lens is slowly starting to piss me off. Just about time after 1.5 years I'd say. Plus it's a good lense for my summer, because the kit lens only goes up to 55mm. And the reviews are really nice. Yes, I might just buy it. But then, I also need a polarising filter, which adds up another 45 euros. It's an expensive job.
Then, the tutorial I had on Wednesday. According to Tim I have good 'photographic eyes' and the photos I took last week are 'beautiful' and 'stunning'. Just what I need, really. Especially because Matt wasn't too convinced of my work, but there you have it again. Matt = commercial. Tim = Fine Art. I so don't belong to any commercial course, I really have to go to Camberwell. Plus, flats there are cheaper anyways. And it's close to the beautiful Walworth Road with all its small shops.
Plan for today: read some more of my book (The Fuck Up, I'm liking it) and scout for some nice flats in Camberwell.
Good Night!
La Femme d'argent
Just short notice. Six days away from my stage 2 assessment, I am about to go out for my last shooting for the book project (which turned into a more or less elemental/detail/psychadelic/scary forest shoot project).
Images to be posted soon, also my portfolio is on the tip of being completely finished, images to be posted soon as well.
Images to be posted soon, also my portfolio is on the tip of being completely finished, images to be posted soon as well.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
Monday, 2 February 2009
Koko
Just a short observation from me. This morning I took a look outside and I see 1/2 inch of snow. Excitement, but also confusion came over me.
Then I check my university emails and read this:
[...]The weather conditions are clearly causing difficulties for many staff and students travelling to the Institute. [...] the advice to be given to those who call in is that they should not travel if they have any concerns about the safety of their journey. [...]
Yes, this really did happen. These people here don't know what snow means.
Then I check my university emails and read this:
[...]The weather conditions are clearly causing difficulties for many staff and students travelling to the Institute. [...] the advice to be given to those who call in is that they should not travel if they have any concerns about the safety of their journey. [...]
Yes, this really did happen. These people here don't know what snow means.
Friday, 30 January 2009
Someday Soon
my summer is four months away, and although at first glance this might seem like an off topic post, no no, here goes. I will make my summer full of art, like no one has ever seen it before.
I will shoot in raw. Which means I have to get yet another 8, preferably 10 gig memory card, but that's worth it. Connected with that, I will take either my hard drive with me, or get a large memory stick on which I can then put all my images. because that whole cd burning thing last year was bothersome.
I will also keep a journal of all my experiences. So what? some might say now, because I keep journals of everything. But, and that's the great part about it I will make that book myself. Because I learned one way of making a book yourself, and I am googleing it like a crazy person right now and I really like the saddle stitch technique and might just start with a dummy tonight. and then hopefully find that one paper place in london and get some nice paper.
I will actually spend enough time in each place to get a sense of it and take appropriate pictures.
I will apply all the stuff I've learned in England so far. And all the stuff I am yet to learn.
I will, if it fits into the project, ask strangers whether I can take their photo. Because I've done it here, and I feel way more confident in the States anyways.
So basically, it's going to be freaking awesome.
I will shoot in raw. Which means I have to get yet another 8, preferably 10 gig memory card, but that's worth it. Connected with that, I will take either my hard drive with me, or get a large memory stick on which I can then put all my images. because that whole cd burning thing last year was bothersome.
I will also keep a journal of all my experiences. So what? some might say now, because I keep journals of everything. But, and that's the great part about it I will make that book myself. Because I learned one way of making a book yourself, and I am googleing it like a crazy person right now and I really like the saddle stitch technique and might just start with a dummy tonight. and then hopefully find that one paper place in london and get some nice paper.
I will actually spend enough time in each place to get a sense of it and take appropriate pictures.
I will apply all the stuff I've learned in England so far. And all the stuff I am yet to learn.
I will, if it fits into the project, ask strangers whether I can take their photo. Because I've done it here, and I feel way more confident in the States anyways.
So basically, it's going to be freaking awesome.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Evil
Things have been going downhill a lot lately. My Christmas project more or less failed, except for that one shot of my grandma which actually did turn out amazingly beautiful. My health is going downhill as well, my nose is all stuck up, I wasn't able to sleep that much since Monday. Therefore the latest project, which is finally fine art stuff, is going downhill as well because I don't have the energy to go out and shoot a bit. Ideas are there, it might just end up very sequential and bernd and hilla becher orientated, but that should be a good things, right?
Still no news from any of the Universities, I'm starting to get impatient. Portfolio review for three hours tomorrow, then I should finally know more. And hopefully be full of enthusiasm again after a motivation talk from Matt. I really need that right now.
Still no news from any of the Universities, I'm starting to get impatient. Portfolio review for three hours tomorrow, then I should finally know more. And hopefully be full of enthusiasm again after a motivation talk from Matt. I really need that right now.
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Rebellion
Do you know these presents you make for someone in particular. But when it actually comes to finishing them, you realise that they turned out so amazingly good that you'd rather keep them for yourself because your heart got so attached to them. All your effort, all your love, all your ideas flew into that one tiny thing and then only within a few seconds you hand it over to someone else.
I created such a thing.
He's at the airport by now, so no chance of him seeing this post before I can actually give him his Christmas present. Nonetheless, I want to keep it. Or give it to someone else so that it's always close to me.
I created such a thing.
He's at the airport by now, so no chance of him seeing this post before I can actually give him his Christmas present. Nonetheless, I want to keep it. Or give it to someone else so that it's always close to me.
Monday, 29 December 2008
Counting Down the Hours
Well, reminiscing entry? Rear-view mirror entry? hm. I should I guess.
but this time I'll do it the proper way.
A summary of 2008. A Sampler.
The Decemberists - Los Angeles I'm Yours
The year started off with yet another Decemberists concert, although I have to say that this song changed its meaning once I actually set foot in Los Angeles for the first time this summer. Either way, still one of my favourites of all time, not to speak of this year.
Oasis - She's Electric
Berlin Beach Camp 2008. My tent mate Marcello with his guitarr, the two of us sitting in the sand, horrible singers but still attracted two other guitarr players, one banjo, one tambourine and uncountable other singers. Unique memory, indescribable feeling.
Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands Of Manhatten
Sarah Barellis - Love Song
On the road somewhere around Los Angeles. And then again on the way to Three Rivers. And again in Redondo Beach. Also up in San Luis Obispo. And of course, while driving across the Golden Gate Bridge. This song basically follwed me around California.
CSS - Alala
Together with MGMT, a band I discovered in San Fransisco thanks to my host Gabe. Although I have to say I knew CSS before, tho never really got into them until I listened to their music on the way to Oakland.
MGMT - Kids
Me: What's that?
Gabe: MGMT, you'll like it. If not, we can change it.
Me: okay.
And I did like it.
Weezer - Troublemaker
Scene: in the passenger seat of Gabe's car, driving through Berkeley. Gabe showing this song to one of his friends. I discovered Weezer's red album a second time. First time being Pork and Beans while in Torrance, although this song didn't make it on the 2008 list.
Blonde Redhead - 23
Artsy band, it took me about two years to get into them, this song finally made me change my opinion. Also discovered in San Fransisco.
Kelly Clarkson - Addicted
Embarrassing? No. I like this song. And it did help me through a lot of stuff so far.
Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
KT Tunstall - Saving My Face
Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts
Peter Bjoern And John - Up Against The Wall
but this time I'll do it the proper way.
A summary of 2008. A Sampler.
The Decemberists - Los Angeles I'm Yours
The year started off with yet another Decemberists concert, although I have to say that this song changed its meaning once I actually set foot in Los Angeles for the first time this summer. Either way, still one of my favourites of all time, not to speak of this year.
Berlin Beach Camp 2008. My tent mate Marcello with his guitarr, the two of us sitting in the sand, horrible singers but still attracted two other guitarr players, one banjo, one tambourine and uncountable other singers. Unique memory, indescribable feeling.
Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands Of Manhatten
Sarah Barellis - Love Song
On the road somewhere around Los Angeles. And then again on the way to Three Rivers. And again in Redondo Beach. Also up in San Luis Obispo. And of course, while driving across the Golden Gate Bridge. This song basically follwed me around California.
CSS - Alala
Together with MGMT, a band I discovered in San Fransisco thanks to my host Gabe. Although I have to say I knew CSS before, tho never really got into them until I listened to their music on the way to Oakland.
MGMT - Kids
Me: What's that?
Gabe: MGMT, you'll like it. If not, we can change it.
Me: okay.
And I did like it.
Weezer - Troublemaker
Scene: in the passenger seat of Gabe's car, driving through Berkeley. Gabe showing this song to one of his friends. I discovered Weezer's red album a second time. First time being Pork and Beans while in Torrance, although this song didn't make it on the 2008 list.
Blonde Redhead - 23
Artsy band, it took me about two years to get into them, this song finally made me change my opinion. Also discovered in San Fransisco.
Kelly Clarkson - Addicted
Embarrassing? No. I like this song. And it did help me through a lot of stuff so far.
Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
KT Tunstall - Saving My Face
Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts
Peter Bjoern And John - Up Against The Wall
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Christmas is all around.
Writing an essay about Christmas couldn't be a good idea in the first place. By now, the somehow second day I sit in front of the screen and try to get at least a bit of motivation together, all I feel is anger and hatred towards this freaking holiday. I hate Christmas. Things would never change. But why the hell do I now even have to write a stupid essay about it? 1000 words. I'm trying to include Billingham and Barney in it, so I can at least focus a bit on two artists, but seriously, an essay about Christmas? What did I think when saying yes to Matt's idea? Damn me. I hate this.
Monday, 22 December 2008
The Golden State Wins Again.
It's been one week in Germany now. And I achieved nothing. I've done nothing. I haven't thought of anything. Nothingness. Everywhere. No ideas for the essay. No idea for the interview preparation. No inspiration, no motivation, no nothing for my documentary project. Idea exists, yes, but I cannot get my butt up an actually go out shooting. Forgot my remote control in Bournemouth, I really hope Amazon gets the new one to me by Wednesday. Because the only good image I have so far, of my grandma is blurry. Damn long exposures. But it's a really nice shot, nonetheless.
As for future, I started thinking about the Final Major Project, although I know I should first finish this stage. And there are still loads of projects coming up. And I talked to my mom about London. She also thinks it's better for me to get a flat for three straight years instead of just getting a new one every year. I mean, as long as I don't have more than two other flatmates, and it actually is a flat (never ever am I going to rent a room in a house again) and as long as it has wooden floor, or anything that isn't that funny smelling carpet I'm happy. Oh, and close to some high street please. But it's London, there are always going to be some exotic fruit and veg stores around, somewhere. Yes, London feels good right now. I think I'll abandon Glasgow. Camberwell fells right at the moment. Well, and Calarts? yes, it's still first choice.
It's been some bad past days for me, both professionally and personally. But I'll get over it somehow. Essay is waiting. And translations, my uncle isn't the nicest person either. At least at the moment. I just want to go back to Uni. But keep on living here.
As for future, I started thinking about the Final Major Project, although I know I should first finish this stage. And there are still loads of projects coming up. And I talked to my mom about London. She also thinks it's better for me to get a flat for three straight years instead of just getting a new one every year. I mean, as long as I don't have more than two other flatmates, and it actually is a flat (never ever am I going to rent a room in a house again) and as long as it has wooden floor, or anything that isn't that funny smelling carpet I'm happy. Oh, and close to some high street please. But it's London, there are always going to be some exotic fruit and veg stores around, somewhere. Yes, London feels good right now. I think I'll abandon Glasgow. Camberwell fells right at the moment. Well, and Calarts? yes, it's still first choice.
It's been some bad past days for me, both professionally and personally. But I'll get over it somehow. Essay is waiting. And translations, my uncle isn't the nicest person either. At least at the moment. I just want to go back to Uni. But keep on living here.
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Ash and Smoke
Tomorrow is the last day of Uni for this year, time to recap? Maybe.
But I won't do that now. Instead, some photographic work from the one day documentary project yesterday (Wednesday).
I focused on the interference of humans/industry with nature. Having three hours to work on the project I went to the Sainsbury's between Bournemouth and Poole, and well, I think I did okay. I should have used the remote for the camera as all of my images turned out a bit shaky, but in the end I'm quite satisfied with my series. Oh, and my first photographic essay. Be proud of me.
New project launch is tomorrow. I have ideas, but at the same time no clue whether I can use them or not because they are slightly more fine art based than documentary and the whole project would be staged. So honestly, no idea. Updates on that at a later point, obviously.
For now I am off to London on Saturday morning, bye bye Bournemouth, I cannot express how happy I am about leaving England.
But I won't do that now. Instead, some photographic work from the one day documentary project yesterday (Wednesday).
I focused on the interference of humans/industry with nature. Having three hours to work on the project I went to the Sainsbury's between Bournemouth and Poole, and well, I think I did okay. I should have used the remote for the camera as all of my images turned out a bit shaky, but in the end I'm quite satisfied with my series. Oh, and my first photographic essay. Be proud of me.
New project launch is tomorrow. I have ideas, but at the same time no clue whether I can use them or not because they are slightly more fine art based than documentary and the whole project would be staged. So honestly, no idea. Updates on that at a later point, obviously.
For now I am off to London on Saturday morning, bye bye Bournemouth, I cannot express how happy I am about leaving England.
Thursday, 4 December 2008
Love & Communication
It's Christmas in my room.
Either way, for the first time in years, I am excited about going home. And about Christmas. Which might stand in connection to going home, but it's a feeling I cannot recall having for a long time. Being excited about Christmas is different when you are a child. Everything you care for are the presents, the attention you are getting. Once you grow up you realise that Christmas is about other things. People who usually don't care for each other start paying attention to the other, only for one evening, only for a couple of hours. These times also mostly result in fights, at least that's how my Christmas always ends up. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. But the fight is programmed. Reasons might be the general fucked up family structure, but honestly I believe it's the pressure. Never is the whole family together except for Christmas. If you think about it, it's actually quite pathetic. My family consists of five people, including me, and we never manage to get together for another time than Christmas. Yeah, eventually we make it for some birthday, but that happens once every two years, if we're lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you see it).
This post is getting slightly off topic.
So back to art stuff.
I've been rescucitating my dawanda shop which resulted in some nice new work. I added some cards, a bookmark and some of the prints I've done at uni.
Route A choices are final now. It's going to be London Metropolitan as a backup, University of Westminster, London College of Communication and University of East London. All for a pure BA Photography course. Still undecided about Route B: either Camberwell or Glasgow, but I honstely have no idea. Might end up going to Glasgow again to get a better idea of living there.
But now back to my room and my mission for today: Find the blu-tack which has disappeared for some reason. And I really need it.
Either way, for the first time in years, I am excited about going home. And about Christmas. Which might stand in connection to going home, but it's a feeling I cannot recall having for a long time. Being excited about Christmas is different when you are a child. Everything you care for are the presents, the attention you are getting. Once you grow up you realise that Christmas is about other things. People who usually don't care for each other start paying attention to the other, only for one evening, only for a couple of hours. These times also mostly result in fights, at least that's how my Christmas always ends up. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. But the fight is programmed. Reasons might be the general fucked up family structure, but honestly I believe it's the pressure. Never is the whole family together except for Christmas. If you think about it, it's actually quite pathetic. My family consists of five people, including me, and we never manage to get together for another time than Christmas. Yeah, eventually we make it for some birthday, but that happens once every two years, if we're lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you see it).
This post is getting slightly off topic.
So back to art stuff.
I've been rescucitating my dawanda shop which resulted in some nice new work. I added some cards, a bookmark and some of the prints I've done at uni.
Route A choices are final now. It's going to be London Metropolitan as a backup, University of Westminster, London College of Communication and University of East London. All for a pure BA Photography course. Still undecided about Route B: either Camberwell or Glasgow, but I honstely have no idea. Might end up going to Glasgow again to get a better idea of living there.
But now back to my room and my mission for today: Find the blu-tack which has disappeared for some reason. And I really need it.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
I Can See For Miles
Turns out the Body project might end up a lot better than expected. The photos from Monday's shooting are quite nice, the one-to-one tutorial with Matt was also a lot more relaxed than expected. He loves my work, says I have done a great job so far and told me that I am pretty much ready to print my work, although he advised everybody to do at least two, preferably three shoots. So am I above average? Well, I can hope for it.
Nonetheless, working on a self-portrait project does make you go insane. I was processing some of the images last night and just having me on the screen all the time is kind of strange. I started intensifying my eye colour, removing some of the too much fat around my shoulders, just exactly the stuff you should not be doing when working on a realistic, self-based project. No worries tho, I didn't save any of these images. Instead I realised that I rarely have to re-touch any of the images, the lighting is quite nice, so is the composition. Very simple, very honest. Deadpan, as Matt classified them.
CalArts porfolio is send of, right now I regret it a bit because one of the self-portraits might have looked really nice in it. Yet again, it wouldn't have fit in with any of the other images after all, so might just be better like that. One thing is out of the world, now I can (and also should) focus on Bournemouth and my photographic career here.
Nonetheless, working on a self-portrait project does make you go insane. I was processing some of the images last night and just having me on the screen all the time is kind of strange. I started intensifying my eye colour, removing some of the too much fat around my shoulders, just exactly the stuff you should not be doing when working on a realistic, self-based project. No worries tho, I didn't save any of these images. Instead I realised that I rarely have to re-touch any of the images, the lighting is quite nice, so is the composition. Very simple, very honest. Deadpan, as Matt classified them.
CalArts porfolio is send of, right now I regret it a bit because one of the self-portraits might have looked really nice in it. Yet again, it wouldn't have fit in with any of the other images after all, so might just be better like that. One thing is out of the world, now I can (and also should) focus on Bournemouth and my photographic career here.
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