Rebellion

Do you know these presents you make for someone in particular. But when it actually comes to finishing them, you realise that they turned out so amazingly good that you'd rather keep them for yourself because your heart got so attached to them. All your effort, all your love, all your ideas flew into that one tiny thing and then only within a few seconds you hand it over to someone else.

I created such a thing.
He's at the airport by now, so no chance of him seeing this post before I can actually give him his Christmas present. Nonetheless, I want to keep it. Or give it to someone else so that it's always close to me.

Counting Down the Hours

Well, reminiscing entry? Rear-view mirror entry? hm. I should I guess.
but this time I'll do it the proper way.

A summary of 2008. A Sampler.

The Decemberists - Los Angeles I'm Yours
The year started off with yet another Decemberists concert, although I have to say that this song changed its meaning once I actually set foot in Los Angeles for the first time this summer. Either way, still one of my favourites of all time, not to speak of this year.

Oasis - She's Electric
Berlin Beach Camp 2008. My tent mate Marcello with his guitarr, the two of us sitting in the sand, horrible singers but still attracted two other guitarr players, one banjo, one tambourine and uncountable other singers. Unique memory, indescribable feeling.

Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands Of Manhatten

Sarah Barellis - Love Song
On the road somewhere around Los Angeles. And then again on the way to Three Rivers. And again in Redondo Beach. Also up in San Luis Obispo. And of course, while driving across the Golden Gate Bridge. This song basically follwed me around California.

CSS - Alala
Together with MGMT, a band I discovered in San Fransisco thanks to my host Gabe. Although I have to say I knew CSS before, tho never really got into them until I listened to their music on the way to Oakland.

MGMT - Kids
Me: What's that?
Gabe: MGMT, you'll like it. If not, we can change it.
Me: okay.
And I did like it.

Weezer - Troublemaker
Scene: in the passenger seat of Gabe's car, driving through Berkeley. Gabe showing this song to one of his friends. I discovered Weezer's red album a second time. First time being Pork and Beans while in Torrance, although this song didn't make it on the 2008 list.

Blonde Redhead - 23
Artsy band, it took me about two years to get into them, this song finally made me change my opinion. Also discovered in San Fransisco.

Kelly Clarkson - Addicted
Embarrassing? No. I like this song. And it did help me through a lot of stuff so far.

Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

KT Tunstall - Saving My Face

Arcade Fire - Rebellion (Lies)

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cheated Hearts

Peter Bjoern And John - Up Against The Wall

Christmas is all around.

Writing an essay about Christmas couldn't be a good idea in the first place. By now, the somehow second day I sit in front of the screen and try to get at least a bit of motivation together, all I feel is anger and hatred towards this freaking holiday. I hate Christmas. Things would never change. But why the hell do I now even have to write a stupid essay about it? 1000 words. I'm trying to include Billingham and Barney in it, so I can at least focus a bit on two artists, but seriously, an essay about Christmas? What did I think when saying yes to Matt's idea? Damn me. I hate this.

The Golden State Wins Again.

It's been one week in Germany now. And I achieved nothing. I've done nothing. I haven't thought of anything. Nothingness. Everywhere. No ideas for the essay. No idea for the interview preparation. No inspiration, no motivation, no nothing for my documentary project. Idea exists, yes, but I cannot get my butt up an actually go out shooting. Forgot my remote control in Bournemouth, I really hope Amazon gets the new one to me by Wednesday. Because the only good image I have so far, of my grandma is blurry. Damn long exposures. But it's a really nice shot, nonetheless.
As for future, I started thinking about the Final Major Project, although I know I should first finish this stage. And there are still loads of projects coming up. And I talked to my mom about London. She also thinks it's better for me to get a flat for three straight years instead of just getting a new one every year. I mean, as long as I don't have more than two other flatmates, and it actually is a flat (never ever am I going to rent a room in a house again) and as long as it has wooden floor, or anything that isn't that funny smelling carpet I'm happy. Oh, and close to some high street please. But it's London, there are always going to be some exotic fruit and veg stores around, somewhere. Yes, London feels good right now. I think I'll abandon Glasgow. Camberwell fells right at the moment. Well, and Calarts? yes, it's still first choice.
It's been some bad past days for me, both professionally and personally. But I'll get over it somehow. Essay is waiting. And translations, my uncle isn't the nicest person either. At least at the moment. I just want to go back to Uni. But keep on living here.

Ash and Smoke

Tomorrow is the last day of Uni for this year, time to recap? Maybe.

But I won't do that now. Instead, some photographic work from the one day documentary project yesterday (Wednesday).
I focused on the interference of humans/industry with nature. Having three hours to work on the project I went to the Sainsbury's between Bournemouth and Poole, and well, I think I did okay. I should have used the remote for the camera as all of my images turned out a bit shaky, but in the end I'm quite satisfied with my series. Oh, and my first photographic essay. Be proud of me.


















































































New project launch is tomorrow. I have ideas, but at the same time no clue whether I can use them or not because they are slightly more fine art based than documentary and the whole project would be staged. So honestly, no idea. Updates on that at a later point, obviously.
For now I am off to London on Saturday morning, bye bye Bournemouth, I cannot express how happy I am about leaving England.

Love & Communication

It's Christmas in my room.

Either way, for the first time in years, I am excited about going home. And about Christmas. Which might stand in connection to going home, but it's a feeling I cannot recall having for a long time. Being excited about Christmas is different when you are a child. Everything you care for are the presents, the attention you are getting. Once you grow up you realise that Christmas is about other things. People who usually don't care for each other start paying attention to the other, only for one evening, only for a couple of hours. These times also mostly result in fights, at least that's how my Christmas always ends up. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse. But the fight is programmed. Reasons might be the general fucked up family structure, but honestly I believe it's the pressure. Never is the whole family together except for Christmas. If you think about it, it's actually quite pathetic. My family consists of five people, including me, and we never manage to get together for another time than Christmas. Yeah, eventually we make it for some birthday, but that happens once every two years, if we're lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you see it).
This post is getting slightly off topic.

So back to art stuff.
I've been rescucitating my dawanda shop which resulted in some nice new work. I added some cards, a bookmark and some of the prints I've done at uni.
Route A choices are final now. It's going to be London Metropolitan as a backup, University of Westminster, London College of Communication and University of East London. All for a pure BA Photography course. Still undecided about Route B: either Camberwell or Glasgow, but I honstely have no idea. Might end up going to Glasgow again to get a better idea of living there.
But now back to my room and my mission for today: Find the blu-tack which has disappeared for some reason. And I really need it.

I Can See For Miles

Turns out the Body project might end up a lot better than expected. The photos from Monday's shooting are quite nice, the one-to-one tutorial with Matt was also a lot more relaxed than expected. He loves my work, says I have done a great job so far and told me that I am pretty much ready to print my work, although he advised everybody to do at least two, preferably three shoots. So am I above average? Well, I can hope for it.
Nonetheless, working on a self-portrait project does make you go insane. I was processing some of the images last night and just having me on the screen all the time is kind of strange. I started intensifying my eye colour, removing some of the too much fat around my shoulders, just exactly the stuff you should not be doing when working on a realistic, self-based project. No worries tho, I didn't save any of these images. Instead I realised that I rarely have to re-touch any of the images, the lighting is quite nice, so is the composition. Very simple, very honest. Deadpan, as Matt classified them.

CalArts porfolio is send of, right now I regret it a bit because one of the self-portraits might have looked really nice in it. Yet again, it wouldn't have fit in with any of the other images after all, so might just be better like that. One thing is out of the world, now I can (and also should) focus on Bournemouth and my photographic career here.

Hardcore Days & Softcore Nights

I have never thought I would do this, but

this one goes to my housemates.
Not because I specifically like them, but because they facinate me. On a very negative basis.

Washing your dishes.
Nahiyan.
Never uses any washing liquid, neither does he ever fill the sink. Instead, he just rinses his plates under hot water.
Ollie.
Is an excessive cleaner. When you want to have your dishes clean, ask him to do it.
Ben.
Always says he only cleans his own stuff, but when it comes down to having to clean the kitchen, he actually goes for everybody.
and finally, Mike.
He fills the sink up to its top, so that the water splashes over and keeps on the left side of it. Then beautifully mixes with the mold in the dirty dishes and start smelling. As the stuff is already really gross nobody dares to touch it in order to get rid of the smelling water. So it goes on smelling.

Doing your laundry.
Ben.
To hang up one pair of trousers he needs four springs. Two for each trouser leg.
Ollie.
Uses loads and loads of laundry conditioner. And then at the same time wonders why one bottle only lasts for five to six washes.
Jess.
I have never actually seen her wash her cloths.

Everyday life.
Nahiyan.
Sits in his room if he isn't in uni and watches movies. All day long. And tells me that he's doing work. He's also infatuated with some Californian radio show, listens to it until 4 in the morning.
Ollie.
Does actually do a lot for uni. But also parties like crazy. A few weeks ago he started drinking Friday, 5pm. And stopped some time Monday morning. it was the weekend of his 20th birthday. According to himself, he cannot remember anything. I'm not surprised.

Other.
Mike.
Vacuums his room once a week, but never actually does his dishes/cleans the room in any way.
Nahiyan.
Needs 30 minutes to take a shower. Nobody knows what he is doing in there.
Jess.
Is barely home and prefers walking to uni instead of cycling which takes about 15 minutes less.
Ben.
Is addicted to tuna and sweetcorn. On a sandwich. With pasta. By itself.
This is also true for Ollie.

Walk the Line

My housemates are actually working. Well, Mike is sitting alone in Nahiyans room and playing on his xbox, sort of pathetic, but Ben and Ollie are in fact sitting in their rooms and doing some work. I didn't believe my eyes when I saw it.

As for the Body project, things couldn't be worse. I started doing some self portraits earlier, after cycling to the shopping centre to get a remote for my camera, but the results just looked like a uncreative stupid amateur took them. That's the thing with nude portraits, the line between professional looking portraits and slightly off photos is too thin to be visible.

Lets Get It On

Lindsey is a very very mean person. And I will have to encounter him a lot now that I started my photography pathway. I hate taking things out of the shop when he's in. But he's always in.
Anyways, I now have a beautiful 20mm lens lying on my table, only waiting to be picked up and used. Unfortunately, no inspiration at all, so I might just return it on Friday, unused.

Portfolio is running smoothly, CalArts application is submitted, all I now need to do is submit my portfolio and wait for march to arrive. And hopefully a positive letter.
Same goes for my Route A coices. It's going to be Kingston, London College of Communication, and two are yet to be decided.

Other things are running less good. The deadline for the new project "The Body" is 2 December, only a bit more than two weeks away, and I have no idea on what to do. I think I am expecting too much of myself again, it's basically a project in which we can explore different photographic techniques, but I want to produce amazing images. I always want to produce amazing images, no matter whether I like the project or not. There's a lot to do with this subject, I'd love to work with nudes, but I guess I won't find any nude models when I cannot offer any money.
Also I am stuck with my Route B coice. I only have one uni for that, unfortunately both Glasgow and Camberwell only offer Route B. Glasgow has the better course, but Camberwell is, well, LONDON! So what now?

I will not publish my portfolio here, both because I am paranoid that people might steal my ideas and because the files are simply too big (meaning, they range from 27 mb upwards).

And now, back to my desk and do some nice spiderwebs of non-existing body ideas.

Pressure Zone

I warned you of a picture heavy entry, so here goes.
This weekend will be filled with work. I am working on my first real big presentation, it's only for Katie, but it's the perfect way to learn a lot. We decided on a topic, which is photography for beginners, meaning I will introduce my audience to the three main paths of photography: fine art, commercial and documentary/travel/street. Gonna be a lot of work, but also super interesting I think.
But nevertheless, here goes the photos. I didn't include any portfolio work, simply because I haven't started working on them yet and I do not want to publish anything unfinished.
in chronological order

Drawing week, which I enjoyed



Photography week, which I enjoyed, but produces shit


Fine Art week, which was a lot of fun.




Textiles week, which I hated.




3D week, which was amazing.




And my husband, I think no ranking needed.




My first trimester is nearly over, assessment on Tuesday, then I'm off to London for the rest of the week to set it a nice end.

Kids

London was amazing. But it just showed me how much I really want to leave Europe. CalArts application update: sent 1 of 4 parts, done 2 of 4 parts, I will talk to Matt later today, hopefully send the transcripts and recommendations next tuesday.
LCC was good, but not too exciting. It's an okay school, they have some nice Alumni, good facilities, but I honestly expected more. The course is more media than fine art based, I think I have to figure out what I want to do before I actually apply anywhere. But Camberwell next week, which offers a more fine art based photography course.
Essay due in less than four hours, still no idea how to start and finish it, neither do I have any clue how to reduce it from 1000 to 800 words. I guess I'll just leave it and talk to my tutor about it. hm. Yes, I know I owe some picture heavy posts of both my work and London yesterday. But it's just such a busy time at the moment.
Oh, and I love Guy Fawkes. And I'll marry London.
And: OBAMA!!!

The Perpetual Self, Or "What Would Saul Alinsky Do?"

A short entry before I'm off to my Graphic Design lecture by all time favourite tutor Karl. Yes, he's awesome.
I pretty much made my decisions on which unis I'm going to apply to.
Route A
London College of Communication
Kingston
and maybe Falmouth, although I am absolutely not sure about it, as it is more of a last resource resulting of my poor uni-research.
Route B
1st choice: Glasgow School of Arts
2nd choice: Camberwell College of Arts

So yes, Glasgow was amazing. It's an ultimatively beautiful city, well, at least the west end. not so sure about city centre which partly reminded me of my hometown Limburg, and this is never a good result. But that's only one half of city centre, the other half in fact is beautiful with its old buildings, buskers everywhere, I think I'm in love. Especially with the west end and its many many charity shops, small cafes and mom and pop operated stores which sell all kinds of useless things.

Slow Show

Things are happening fast here. And I like it this way.
We are having a clean kitchen, I am betting with myself that it will keep that way for 1.5 days, meaning Monday morning. And the conversations I had with Mike and Ollie today were in fact quite good, I start liking that part of them. If they just weren't that damn unreliable and immature.
But back to the basics.
I am going to be a photographer. I haven't put down my choice yet, that only happens in three weeks, but I made my decision, and so far nothing has changed since last Saturday when I made it. Three or four years from now I am going to have a BA or BFA in Photography and will hopefully earn my money with it. I pretty much like that idea.
Assessment is coming up in three weeks, I have all my work I've done so far here at home so prepare for a photo heavy entry coming up real soon. Including some annotations, in a chronological order. And once my assessment is over and I know which of the pieces I have to keep for my portfolio I will start selling that stuff. Otherwise it will be just lying around here for now good reason.
My Antithesis project is running smoothly, 2 out of 3 pieces are done, although the bookshelf didn't quite turn out the way I wanted it to. But I'll just make some nice drawings to make up with it. The hardest part is going to be the armchair, I'll have to see how this goes, otherwise I'll start making some chairs out of more carrot sticks and build another table and then have a nice dining set.
Glasgow this wednesday, GSA open day on thursday and then hopefully some successful portfolio work the rest of my time in Glasgow. Wish me luck!

You Want The Candy

Furniture made of food. CalArts. Big photo project: taking a photo of everyone on campus. 71 days until New Year. Glasgow School of Arts. Artistic Statement. Self-awareness. Annoying housemates. Cool couchsurfers. London College of Communication. No flight home. Interesting face. Awesome friends. Not working portfolio. Assessment.

Friday I'm In Love

Having done a lot of research, and having spent hours and hours in the library (note to self: I'm exaggerating here) I have a new idea. Go for interior design or architecture and focus on photography in my free time. I'm researching two artists right now, Martina Geccelli and Gabrielle Brasilico, both trained architects but practicing photographers. And good ones, really good ones. I love their work. So yeah.
London this friday, still nowhere to stay, but open day on Saturday. London Metropolitan University, BA in Interior Design & Technology. I'm excited.

Baby, It's A Fact Pt. 2

When I obsess about not having money I usually have a three digit amount in my bank account.

After I get back from a long trip the first thing I do online is check for flights going back to that certain place.

I still remember every single day of my 13 days in California this summer.

Staying in modern, impersonal hotels makes me happy.

I eat cereals for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

ASDA has Ben&Jerry's on offer at the moment. I, of course, knew about it and bought another jar of Phish Food.

I read the IKEA cataloge rather than only looking at the photos.

Moving out is the scariest thing I've done so far.

I ask google everything. In 50% of the cases the answers are really useful.

I posted my first secret to PostSecret two weeks ago. It hasn't been posted.

I'm disgusted by other people's dirty dishes. I don't mind so much if I don't do my dishes for two days, but if my housemates don't clean up after themselves I get annoyed and eventually start crying.

I never live in the present. Only in the past and future.

I know more about art, music, movies and photography than I know about politics and the latest world news.

The moment I moved to Bournemouth I thought about where to move next year.

I trust couchsurfing people more than any of the people I've met here so far. Even if I haven't met any of the CS people.

Los Angeles, I'm Yours

Decisions to be made.
As for Architecture/Interior Design, I've come to this decision:
I found an interesting course at Central Saint Martin: BA in Architecture: Spaces and Objects. Seems like this is the perfect course for me in case I cannot decide between architecture and interior design as it focuses on both of these topics. Although I didn't really get whether I would be both an architect and an interior designer afterwards. But yeah, it's on my list.
LCC offers a really good BA Interior Design course as well. Looks a lot better than the one at Chelsea. So that's in.
Camberwell, Chelsea, London College of Fashion and Wimbledon are out. So much for the London School of Art.
UCL. Excellent links, excellent reputation, there's not much to say. Graduates are now working with Zaha Hadid. Zaha fucking Hadid! Apparently they aren't hosting any open days, so I will have to see how to visit and find out about their facilities. But as it looks right now they are one of the world's leading architecture schools, so I guess I couldn't make any mistakes with applying there.
By now I figured that if I go for Architecture, going into interior design from there is pretty easy. So that shoulnd't be a problem.
Now Glasgow School of Art. Their BA Architecture is four years, that's the first minus. But besides that, also one of the worlds leading schools. Besides Architecture they are also offering a great Interior Design course. Both in.

As for Photography:
Also LCC. I'm visiting the collge in November, by then I will know whether I'll be an Architect, Interior Designer or Photographer.
Glasgow School of Art is offering Fine Art Photography.
Then there is the Tisch Uni in New York. By now I figured I'll just pay the $75 application fee and go for it. I will need a personal statement, Karen will be excited about writing a reference for an american uni and if I really got in there I won't have to worry about employment or anything. The course is amazing, although it would mean 4 years instead of 3. And New York, the city I am absolutely not ready to live in yet.
I could also stay in Bournemouth. But by now, only six weeks since I started my course, I already know that I wouldn't make it here. It's a nice town, but not for three years. It's my BA, I need more resources in the out of school kind of way. Yeah, facilities here are amazing. Staff is great. Really good links to the industry, but where is the inspiration? Where can I go shooting if I want to do some documentary photography? There's not much to see here. Art schools simply have to be in larger cities.

That's it so far. But it's only Saturday. And this list only took me about two hours. So I think I might continue. And so far, no matter for what I will decide, I still have some vacancies in my UCAS application, so maybe Dundee for Photography? Bristol? Northumbria? But with all these I have the problem of small towns.
My interior design books are waiting to be read. Also my photography book is supposed to be back in the library by next Friday. And translations to be made.

Apartment Story

I want to have a broad decision on unis by this Sunday.
I know that it won't work out because I'm starting to live a busy life.
Movie, food and dreads tomorrow at Maddy's place.
Propaganda at the Old Firestation on Saturday.
Meeting with Tereza and Jendrezj on Sunday to decide on our London trip.
My decision/choices so far:
LCC for either Interior Design or Photography
Any other branch of the Arts University of London for Photography
Glasgow School of Arts for Architecture or Interior Design
Rhode Island School of Design for Interior Architecture or Architecture by itself.
Tisch University for Photography
Kingston for Architecture
London College of Fashion for Fashion Photography
By Sunday I want this list to be more specific. Wish me luck!

Hard to be a Girl.

that freaking oven is trying to get me down. but I won't let it. no, I won't let it. Fuck you oven! there you have it. 11 Elmes Road might be cursed, but I won't let this get me down. I will produce fucking amazing artworks. and I will go to either Glasgow, London or stay here. Fuck you oven. Fuck you! And I will find a way. I will.

You Wanted More

The last few days haven't been to exciting. The quality of my work reached a new low today, I never felt so bad when it comes to photography. Therefore I am not so sure about photography any more. I have a tripod on loan for the weekend, I will go out and shoot a bit and Matt, the photography pathway leader is trying to get me into the studios so I can try things out.
I suppose it's just all because now, five weeks after I started here, things have gotten back to normal. The overwhelming feeling I had at first left, I am back to reality, I can see things clearer now. Or at least I should.
Concentration is needed, a lot of it. Six more weeks until my decision.

Some photos of monday nights shot.

Sex Pictures. Or what my gut tells me.

All I've been doing the last few weeks is research research research. On nothing but photography.

It's weird. I love drawing buildings, creating new spaces, developing ideas when it comes to interior design, but when actually having to act, walking around and producing something final I end up with photography. Never have I really researched an architect or looked into interior design. When I am in the library I intentionally go to the photography section to look at some more artists, find out more about the artists we worked on in secondary school. When my lecturers mention any photographic techniques I wake up again, listen very carefully, taking in all  information possible, not wanting to miss a thing. 

But when I flick through the new Ikea catalogue, when I look around me I have ideas on how to make the room look better, how to increase the room atmosphere, where to place mirrors to lighten a dark room. 

Both jobs are going to be hard work. Unreliable working hours, a lot of competition, not unimportant one, but everybody is going to be good. 

My gut tells me to go for photography. It has always been my passion, and although every girl goes through that photography phase, I find I ended up sticking with it. 

I'm torn. 

Don't Give Up This Fight

This is how you look after a successful day at art school. One more shirt is ruined, but it was worth all the good reviews.

Forced to the sea.

I got offered several volunteer jobs through the Institute. Two of the four jobs would be possible for me, well more or less.
One is an art exhibition invigilator, I would be leading people around a museum, tell them about the paintings, pretty much the job I always wanted to try out. Downside: every Saturday from October 1 to December 1. So no trips to London, no parties on Fridays, just work work work. On a volunteer basis.
The other one is shorter, but the problem coming with it is the timing. I am supposed to be in Weymouth at 5.30, I only finish school at 4.30, so there is pretty much no way to get there on time. Unless I call them and find out whether there's a way to work around it.
I really want to do the museum job. But two months worth of Saturdays? And not getting money for it? I don't know. I think I really have to call them and find out about it. Or drop them an email.
I'm torn. I know myself, I won't get my ass up and find a job here. My financial situation could be better, but it could also be a lot worse. So as long as I keep up with the translations I should be fine. I think if the job would be every other Saturday I would make it. Because this is just the kind of stuff I need on my CV.

Baby, It's A Fact

Whenever I am at a bigger train station I go to the next newspaper store, go to the women's section and read all the horoscopes in Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Glamour and In Style. I only believe in the Cosmopolitan one.

I like speaking English rather than German.

I never had to wear braces. Up until three weeks ago when I got some, only because I got a teeth pulled out. I had perfect teeth otherwise.

I am judging every book by it's cover.

I am obsessed about comfortable beds. If I do not like the bed of a place I am supposed to be staying at for more than a night I get aggressive and want to leave.

Only recently I discovered Blu Tack. Now I am using it for everything.

I never told my mom about when I had a boyfriend or when we broke up. I do not talk to her about anything personal.

I compare the people I meet here with my old friends. So far nobody here won.

I am in contact with more people from abroad than from my homecountry.

If I am not using Blu Tack, then I am using Duck Tape.

I love picking up friends from airports, train stations or bus stations. Before I do that I play the scenario several times in my head. So far, it always turned out different.

Addicted

I think I should open a Ben&Jerry's fund account. An account where I can put all my left over money in and then once every other week I will use the money to go to ASDA and buy new ice-cream for me. One thing I love about England is having the opportunity to get Ben&Jerry's whereever I want to. ASDA has it. Sainsbury's has it. Tesco has it. And all these stores are a top 20 minutes by bike away. And altough the medium sized ice-cream is £3.75, this is totally worth every penny.
Right now I am about to get some more Chocolate Fudge Brownie out of my fridge and watch some more Scrubs, Season six. I told a friend (one of the two friends I have here) that I won't go out tonight, I've been out all day and need some time in my bed with mentioned ice-cream and mentioned Scrubs.

When Tomorrow Comes

14 more hours left in Germany. I'm starting to get sentimental, thoughtful and my head is full of doubts. After calling Theresa, my landlady, earlier this afternoon I was filled with joy (and joyness), but now that I finally finished packing, I'm surrounded by a cleaned up room that doesn't look like mine any more.
The last week was amazing, it really couldn't have been any better. I cannot remember the chronological order, but I spend so much time with friends, maybe more than I have in a long time. I learned to appreciate the people here. of course, these things always happen when someone has to leave.
I'm scared of tomorrow. Everything is set, but there is so much that can go wrong. I don't even want to think about it, but I guess it won't leave my head until I really say it out loud. But maybe then it also will really happen. I could miss my flight. My bag might be too heavy. My carry-on luggage might be to big/too much. I could hate my room. That's actually what I am really afraid of. I've seen the room before. It's dark. But it seemed nice in it's own way. I think the wallcolour was some kind of purple, I hope they changed it over the summer. The bed seemed quite big, that's what I'm really looking forward to. But I'm super scared that I might not like my new home. When I had lunch at my grandma's today and we were waiting for my mom she said that if I don't like it in England, I should just come back. This made me think. What is going to happen if I don't like it there? I will just stand this one year, that's for sure. Because I have this feeling that art is the right thing for me. Maybe nothing related to drawing/painting/anything fine art related, but design. photography. fashion. that's what I want to do. So that one year in Bournemouth, in a maybe not so nice room, shouldn't be too bad. especially if I find some nice people up there and if I get a lot of visitors. Then I'll be fine. I just have to be.

Long Train Running

I got my care pack today. Yay! and I already had two s'mores, and I do not feel sick yet, which is maybe because I had them over a time span of three hours. But yes, I will definitely introduce some friends and my mom to them. Except for my mom most of the people might hate it tho, nobody can really apreaciate them.
It's one week today, then I'll be sitting in a plane to Heathrow without a return ticket.
Here's my to do list for today, for the rest of the week, for whatever. At least I'd like to get most of it done today.

make a pumpkin pie
buy liquor
clean up this floor
finish packing the box
introduce several people to s'mores
start packing my backpack


and for all of you who haven't seen it yet either, here you go.
Charlie The Unicorn Part 2

The quote of the day

A conversation of my future flatmates and me.

Is there any garden furniture, does anyone remember? I'd prefer to spend my time in the garden rather then my coffin.

i don't think there was any furniture? i can't remember seeing any... there should be though? hmm. i just remember the shed. never saw inside it.

you know what, i'll give up the coffin and have a tent in the garden, you two ladies can have it as a walk in wardrobe, since i've realised i've got fuck all to bring with me.
cricket bat in hand, football at my feet, a pile of books and music and i'm all good. I'll be like the gremlin underneath the tree in the corner of the garden, or i'll just take the shed.

or the pond! did i imagine the pond or is it actually there?

no you imagined the pond, are you on the sauce? cuz i am...i would share my hoegaarden if i could.

we have a pond? we should put some goldfish in there and feed them all the left-overs.
I thought about garden furniture before. doesn't any of you have an old couch in the attic that nobody needs any more? otherwise we could just wait for a bulky waste day (if you people in england do that) and then collect an old couch from someones sidewalks. or just be like the mexicans I saw in california and randomly steal things from other people's gardens.
or we could all abandon the house and start a commune at the beach. good old hippie times.

i pick either of the last two options. lets be the gringos who steal shit! and have an emergency place at the beach where we can crash if getting home is too much effort.
and no still no pond that i can remember, but i do remember a buddha statue in the corner beside the tree, we can offer him the leftover.

oh I actually love the buddha statue idea a lot more than the goldfish option. lets get some more greek or some asian gods and all feed them leftovers. maybe our neighbours are going to be so scared that they will give us their furniture for free.

well lets just go the whole hog and get some aztec, inca death masks and god statues, african tribal masks and fertility statues. greek goddesses (ie half naked women) babylonian winged sun god statues, eygption satutes of Ra, shinto demon idols and obviously some voodoo dolls and some goats tied to the tree.

i'm sure there was a pond. an empty pond.
:(
how on earth would you get a sofa in an attic?!! alex you're mad :D
with all those deitys we'll NEVER get rained on! hurrahhhh

The Stars shine in the Sky tonight

I decided to post early today (early meaning 10.21pm to me at the moment) just to kill some time until it got dark enough to really see some shooting stars. I have it quite nice on my balcony right now, with candles, something to drink, a lot of layers to wear (because I get cold so easy) and my computer with nice music. Sure, my paranoid side is coming through again, hearing noises where there aren't any or imagining voices when it is only a couple taking a midnight walk. I should just get rid of that bad habit.

But here are some nice shots for you.

Now it's time for some stargazing.
And some free wishes.

Good results after a bad day

My creativity finally came back. Or better: I gave it a chance to develop freely. I ignored the mess in my room, just took up some space on my desk and put the sewing machine on there.
After going to Ikea yesterday and getting super frustrated as they didn't have any of the things I wanted to buy I convinced myself it might be better just to start fixing my grandmas dress for her. So I got ready, the whole thing didn't take me more than 15 minutes and I started thinking about what to do next. In my desperation yesterday I bought this fabric which turned out to be a lot better than expected. I now have my first handmade laptop case! Sure, I have my crumpler bag, but if it comes to taking my laptop somewhere where I also have to bring a lot of other stuff my crumpler bag is quite useless as space is limited. But now I can simply slide my laptop in the case and carry it around without having to worry someone will know what's inside my bag. Yay!
This time I really tried to take care of the whole thing, not just the outer appereance. So I even quilted the inside of the case.
And chose a nice colour for the upper thread instead of the boring white I always use. Yes, I really care for this case.


When I put everything on my other desk, which is actually a bookshelf, changed into a desk I loved the result. Doesn't it look great?












After this I had the urge to continue. Luckily I got this bare frame as well, one thing Ikea did in fact have. The bare-natural stupid wood-look had to go and nice cotton-rag paper took it's place.
I put a nice passepartour behind behind the photo, and viola - here goes one photo with it's fitting frame I'll make sure to take to Bournemouth.

I'm talking to myself at night

So yet another blog. I actually told myself never ever to start a new blog with the typical 'oh, what do I want from this'-entry, but anyways, here goes another one.
I'm moving out in 15 days, today is the second day in a row I barely slept. Back to fucked up sleeping schedule? Whatever.
Again I am thinking about all these questions I never wanted to think about again in case I ever created another blog. Should this here be official? Do I want anybody to have this link? How personal should it get? I am obsessed with getting comments, that's the thing, so the temptation of giving the link to other people is really really big.

Imaginary interview with myself.
Hi, how are you today?
I'm okay.
-silence-
I'd like to be creative again, I have all these ideas, but this place is a dump at the moment, made up of boxes and stuff lying around. Stuff that doesn't fit into my moving boxes any more, stuff about which I cannot decide whether I should bring it or not, things I want to give people before I leave, things left behind from my trip, things I clearly do not need any more, but also do not want to get rid of because they remind me of good times.
Good times? Can you explain that?
Sand from the beach somewhere between Morro Bay and Cambria. Or my sleeping bag, the one I especially got for this trip. The Forever 21 bag I got when I bought something at the store in Torrance, duct tape I got in DC.
Why do you keep all that stuff? Except for the duct tape and the sleeping bag, none of these things are of big value.
They are for me. I keep them because I connect memories with them. I got the duct tape with Harry, my hosts flatmate, after having breakfast with him at some hip cafe in Adam Morgans. After that we rode our bikes around DC, and I was scared as hell. The Forever 21 bag reminds me of how I picked up my host, who also became a good friend of mine, from work everyday. How I spent my time shopping while he was working, walking around, getting Jamba Juice for the both of us, sitting on that one bench outside the store, reading the book I got for free when walking through San Francisco, listening to music and waiting for him to close the store.
And what about the sand? It's just sand, nothing else.
For you it is, yes. But I fell in love with the Californian beaches, and that one day after we went to Hearst Castle we stopped at the beach again and there was this really special sand, entirely made up of tiny stones. I grabbed some and put it in the plastic bag where we ate cheerios out of. I kept it for my entire trip and made sure not to loose it, ever.